


Chasin Pickett Fences

by magos186



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-05
Updated: 2009-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-20 05:04:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12425586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magos186/pseuds/magos186
Summary: Dean has been leading a double life for four years: The life of a hunter and one he kept secret from his family. But in less than a month, both lives are torn apart as his secret is exposed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This story was inspired by Kane's A Different Kind of Knight. That song always makes me think of Dean. Title taken from the lyrics. This was originally posted on supernaturalville.net and now is only on my livejournal. I am working on a rewrite of this story, but this is the original.

Dean Winchester was twenty-two when life as he knew it came to an end. His father and brother had just had the last fight that would ever take place between them. It ended with warnings never to return as Sam walked out the door, possessions in hand, to go to college. He hadn’t even given a second thought to his brother—the man who’d raised him, cared for him, protected him. He didn’t even say goodbye; just slammed the door behind him.

Dean was forced to stay with his father for two weeks after that, to help him finish the hunt they’d been on. The two men hardly spoke, and when they did, it was only about the facts of the case. When it was finally over, Dean woke the next morning with a smile on his face. He quickly showered and dressed and had his phone poised to make a call when it rang in his hand. His smile only widened when he saw who it was. “Hey, I was just gonna call you.”

_“You were?”_

“Yeah. We finished the job we were on.” He took a breath, the next words coming easier than he expected. “I’m quitting now.”

_“Did you tell your dad yet?”_

“No, but I don’t think he’ll be all that surprised when I say I’m leaving; especially now that Sam’s gone. Besides, he prefers to hunt alone.”

_“But he’s gonna be pissed if you tell him you’re not going to hunt anymore.”_

“Well…then…” he shrugged, despite it being a phone call, “I just won’t mention that part.”

_“So you’re really coming home?”_

“For good this time,” he vowed, “I’m not leaving you ever again.”

_“Good. Now I’ll have someone I can send out for double-fudge mint at three o’clock in the morning when the craving hits.”_

"Are you kidding me?” Dean asked with a laugh. “After last time, I’ll be sure to keep the freezer stocked with it.”

A chuckle came across the line before the person spoke again. _“So how far away are you?”_

“If I drive straight through I can be there before midnight.”

_“Oh thank god.”_

“You sound extremely relieved. You still not feeling well?”

_“I’m doing better. The cold finally went away, but I’ve just been so tired and Alex has too much energy for me to keep up with.”_

“Why didn’t you call—”

_“He has a life of his own. I didn’t want to bother him.”_

"Well then why didn’t you—”

_“Because they’re doing a tour down in Texas remember?”_

“Damn! Are you ever gonna let me finish—”

_“Nope. Now hang up the phone and get your gorgeous ass in that car mister. We miss you.”_

“I miss you guys too. Try to get some rest and I’ll see you soon.”

“You’ll see who soon?” John asked walking through the door as Dean hung up the phone.

“Someone. Look, Dad, I need to talk to you.”

“You’re going after him aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not. He made his choice when he left. And now, I’m making mine. I’m leaving,” Dean said sternly, his calm exterior unreflective of the nervousness within him.

“You’re just gonna abandon me is that it?” John asked, his chocolate eyes seething with anger.

“You don’t need me. You prefer to hunt alone. I was only ever around to take care of Sam. Now that he’s gone, I have no reason to stay here with you.”

“What about your mother’s—”

“You killed it six months ago.”

“So what? Now you’re just gonna go off, live some normal, apple pie life? You know what’s out there in the dark.”

“Yeah, and I also know I don’t want to live this life forever. I know you don’t want me to either. You just don’t want to lose your soldier,” the words didn’t feel foreign or wrong in his mouth, even though it had taken him this long to utter them, despite how many times he’d denied just that.

“You spent too much time with your brother.”

“And you didn’t spend enough. Mom’s been gone nearly eighteen years. No matter how many evil things we kill, it’s not going to bring her back. It’s time for me to move on. Sam’s been raised and gone off to college. I don’t need to be his parent anymore. It’s time I started to live my life. For me.”

Dean quickly gathered his bag, which he’d made sure to pack the night before, and headed out to the Impala. He tossed his bag into the back seat and started the car. As he drove away, his father and his life as a hunter in the rearview, he finally felt free. He’d served his time and now he could be and do whatever he wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was an hour away from the house when his phone rang. “Hey, I’m not—”

 _“Dean.”_ The frightened voice cut in. _“There’s someone in the house.”_

“Get Alex and get in the panic room. I’ll be there soon,” he instructed as he pressed his foot down harder on the gas and hung up. He hit 3 on his speed dial, weaving his way in and out of traffic as he waited for the ringing to stop.

 _“Hello?”_ a tired voice answered.

“It’s me. There’s something in the house. I’m too far away.”

 _“I’m on my way,”_ the man said, his voice no longer tired. Dean tossed his phone on the seat beside him and pressed the gas pedal to the floor, praying to every deity he could think of that nothing would happen.

Twenty minutes later, the Impala jerked to a stop in front of a house surrounded by police cars. Dean jumped out of the car, running as fast as he could to the house. He barely got through the front door before he heard “DADDY!” and had his arms full of a frightened, pale, green-eyed little girl. “It’s okay baby girl. I’ve got you. You’re safe,” he whispered as he gently carded his hand through her wavy, dark blond hair.

Moments later, he was approached by a police officer, a man in a suit, and an old friend. “What happened?” he asked.

“Dean, I got here as fast as I could,” Bobby said. “Alex was in the panic room, but Melissa…she tried to fight him off. She killed him, but she was in pretty bad shape when I found her. Ambulance left ten minutes ago.”

“Well what the hell are we doing here then? We need to get to the hospital.”

“I’ll drive you,” Bobby offered. The cops tried to stop them, but Dean leveled them with a glare so harsh that they all got out of his way.

The trio soon arrived at the hospital, father and daughter still clutching tightly to each other as they made their way to the front desk. “Can I help you?” The nurse asked.

“My wife was brought in here.”

“Name?” She asked, not even looking up at him.

“Melissa Winchester.”

“Have a seat. Someone will be out to talk to you shortly.”

He didn’t get more than five feet from the desk before he heard someone call out “Winchester.” He turned slowly to find a man in a white coat coming towards him. “Alex, I need you to go with Grampa Bobby,” he whispered.

“No! I stay with daddy!” the little girl stated emphatically, hugging him tighter.

“Alexandria Lily, you do what I tell you. I need to go talk to mommy’s doctor. I want you to wait with Grampa.”

“Come on sweetheart,” Bobby said as he coaxed the girl from her father’s arms. Once she was safely in his, he nodded his head and Dean followed the doctor down the hall.

“Where’s Melissa? Is she okay? Please tell me she’s okay.”

“Son, your wife was brought in severely injured. We did everything we could, but—”

“No. No, God, please no,” Dean begged as he backed away from the man, the blood draining from his face.

“I’m so sorry.”

The hunter fell to his knees, emptying the contents of his stomach on the shiny white hospital floors. His beautiful Melissa, his best friend, mother of his child—his wife was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are flashbacks.

Dean Winchester was twenty-two when life as he knew it came to an end. He stood outside the room, peering in through the checkered glass window. A single light above the bed illuminated the darkness pressing in on him. After taking a deep breath, he slowly pushed open the door. When he got to the side of the bed, he half collapsed onto the body lying there, burying his face in her still-warm neck, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Their chests pressed close together as the shaking set in and sobs wracked his body. He cried harder than he ever had in his entire life as memory after memory assaulted him…

_It was Dean’s eighteenth birthday. His dad was no where to be found, but that wasn’t really something new. Sam had made him dinner and a cake and the two spent the evening eating and watching old horror flicks. When his little brother fell asleep around eleven, Dean made sure their small apartment was warded properly and left. He had heard about a party that night and decided to check it out. It was at that party that he met the love of his life._

_Melissa Rose Preston was the captain of the volleyball team at Williamson High in Pennsylvania. She was the most beautiful girl in the school. She had long, curly auburn hair, blue eyes as deep as the ocean, luscious pink lips, and skin that was always tanned, no matter what time of year it was. Her body was toned, but not overly so, she had curves in all the right places and legs that went on for miles. And yet, it wasn’t even her beauty that attracted Dean. It was her eyes. They always seemed to be haunted by something. He sensed something between them, which she must have sensed too because when he asked her, she immediately agreed to go out with him._

_The two went on a date nearly every night for three weeks, and yet did nothing more than kiss. Melissa was a virgin and for once, Dean wasn’t in a rush to bed her and move on. He knew they’d be staying in town for at least another five months or so while they finished out the school year. He didn’t want to rush into anything with her. He found himself enjoying her company more and more. She was his best friend. They talked to each other about anything and everything; from how much she hated the life her parents were forcing on her to the supernatural. Melissa knew about ghosts and demons and all manner of evil creatures the Winchesters came into constant contact with. Her grandmother had been a hunter and had taught Melissa how to see the signs and how to protect herself. She was everything Dean could have wanted in a woman._

_On their one month anniversary, Melissa invited Dean to her house, where she cooked him dinner. Her parents were out of town for the weekend. That was the first night the two slept together. Their lovemaking was intense—electric—and the best sex Dean had ever had. After that night, their bond strengthened and grew even more._

~~~~~~~~~ 

_Dean was waiting for his girlfriend to emerge from her house so he could take them to school. He’d been picking her up for school every morning since they started dating over two and a half months ago. This day was a rarity though. Sam had to go in early to finish a project so it would just be the two of them. Dean was excited, until he saw Melissa come out of her house. He immediately knew something was wrong. Her face was pale, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. Her hair, which was usually pristinely styled, was pulled back in a messy bun. She was wearing sneakers, black yoga pants, and one of Dean’s green flannel button downs. The only time he’d seen her dress so casually was either when she was sick or going to bed._

_As soon as she got in the car, he blurted out, “What’s wrong?”_

_“Can we—can we just go somewhere? I need to talk to you."_ _“Yeah, sure,” he said nervously as he started the car. The only place he could think of was the park near his apartment, so that’s where he drove them. Melissa got out at the exact moment the car stopped moving and walked towards the swings. It was still early so the park was abandoned, something Dean was grateful for as he made his way over to his somber girlfriend._

_“Dean I-” Melissa turned, half sitting on a swing, “I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just gonna do it quick. Like ripping off a band- aid.” She took a deep breath, staring at her feet, hands wrapped tight on the chains of the swing she was leaning on. “The past few days, I’ve been kinda nauseous. I didn’t really think anything of it, until I realized that I’m late—” She swallowed thickly. “Very late. Yesterday I took a test and it was positive. I’m pregnant.” Melissa braced herself as she stopped talking. She was expecting her boyfriend to scream, yell, deny it, call her liar… but none of that happened. He simply asked, in a very calm voice, “Did you see your doctor yet?”_

_“No. Why?” She asked, her voice genuinely confused, meeting his eyes for the first time that morning._ _“Sometimes, pregnancy tests can give you a false positive. I’m not saying you’re lying, just—why don’t we go to the free clinic in the next town and have them do a professional test? We should be one hundred percent sure before we start worrying or freaking out okay?” She nodded, eyes landing back on her feet, and Dean ached with the distance between them._

~~~~~~~~~~ 

_Two days later:_

_The couple sat cuddling on the couch in Dean’s apartment, staring blankly at the television. Sam was at school for Saturday soccer practice. The elder Winchester was just hoping the clinic called before his brother got home._

_Half an hour later, as the credits to the movie began rolling, Dean’s cell phone rang startling them both. “It’s them,” he said as he sat up. Melissa sat up too and took the phone from him. “Hello? … This is she. … Are you sure? … Alright. Thank you.” She ended the call and handed the phone back._

_“It was positive wasn’t it?” It wasn’t even really a question at this point._

_“Yes. I’m officially pregnant,” she stared across the room, unconsciously putting space between them, “What are we going to do?”_

_“What do you want to do? It’s your body.”_

_“I love you Dean. I know this is going to be hard, but—I think I want to keep it,” she pulled her lower lip between her teeth, closing her eyes against tears._

_“Then we keep it,” Dean agreed, wanting to make it clear he was in this, too, “We’ll figure everything else out later,” he said, pulling her into his arms. “I love you, too, Melissa. I always will.”_

“Mr. Winchester? Mr. Winchester?” The male voice penetrated Dean’s brain, bringing him back to the present. His sobbing had stopped as he had no more tears left to cry. He noted he was still shaking though as he pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket, using it to clean his face. Once that task was completed, he turned towards the door, coming face to face with the man from the house. He was wearing a suit, but in place of the suit jacket was a black trench coat. He had gray hair, a salt and pepper beard, and his face was creased with worry lines. 

“Can I help you detective?” The hunter asked his voice hoarse from crying. 

“I’m sorry sir, but I need to talk to you.” 

“Can we do this outside?” he cleared his throat, running a hand over his face. “I could use the fresh air.” 

“Of course.” 

“I’ll me you there, just let me tell Bobby to go home. Unless you need him too…” 

“I think we got enough from him at the scene. If we need more though, I know where he lives. Take your time,” the man said before departing. 

The hunter turned back to his wife. He leaned down, kissing her still warm lips. “I love you Melissa. I always will.” 

As soon as Dean left the room, a woman in pale orange scrubs walked up to him. “Excuse me sir, but I thought you’d want these,” she said, her voice soft and reverent as she handed him his wife’s engagement ring, wedding band, and protection amulet; the female version of his. 

“Thanks,” Dean muttered, pocketing the items and walking away. When he got to the waiting room, he saw his daughter fast asleep on Bobby’s lap. 

“I’m so sorry son,” the old hunter whispered. 

“You knew didn’t you? She was too far gone." 

“When I got to the house…she was hurt bad. She told me Alex was in the panic room and she—she said ‘tell Dean I love him and I’m sorry.’ She passed out after that. Cops and paramedics showed up a minute later. I knew it wouldn’t matter. She’d lost too much blood. I’m sorry.” 

“Can you—” he paused to clear his throat. “Can you take Alex back to your place? There’s a cop here that needs to talk to me. I’ll uh—I’ll meet you later.” 

“If I take the car, how’re you gonna get there?" 

“I’ll figure something out. Bobby please—just take care of my baby.” 

“You know I will. But if you’re not there by dawn I’m coming after you,” the older man vowed. Dean simply nodded and with a longing look at his daughter, walked out the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Two hours later: 

Dean sat on Bobby’s front porch, a half empty bottle of whiskey in one hand and his open cell phone in the other. Taking a long sip of the liquor, he pressed 1 and brought the phone to his ear. 

_“Hey Deanie boy,”_ came the tequila soaked voice. _“You have excellent timing. We just got back from the gig not long ago. It went great.”_ Before he could go into detail, Dean cut him off with a choked out “Chris.” 

_“What happened?”_ he asked, instantly sober. 

“It’s Mel. She—she’s—” he swallowed harshly, still unable to grasp, let alone… “Killed,” he whispered, unable to speak the word any louder. 

_“Is Alex—”_

“She’s fine.” 

_“Where are you?"_

“At Bobby’s. I couldn’t go back to that house.” 

_“We’re leaving right now. We’ll be there in a few hours, just hang in there baby boy.”_

He closed the phone without replying and placed it on the floor next to him before pulling a cigarette from the pack in his pocket. He had just taken a long, deep drag when he heard Bobby come out. “Haven’t seen you smoke since you were 18.” 

“Haven’t had a reason to,” he said on an exhale. He pulled in another drag, “Is Alex all settled?” 

“Yeah, poor girl was exhausted. She didn’t wake up once since we left the hospital. She’ll be out a good long while.” 

“How the hell do I tell her?” Dean asked with a trembling voice, looking up at the older man with trusting, bloodshot eyes. Bobby sat down next to him and slung an arm across his shoulders. 

“You tell her that her mama loved her very much, but that sometimes, bad things happen and people get taken away from us. But her mama will always be watching over her now that she’s in heaven with Grandma Mary.” 

The younger man didn’t reply, he just continued to puff on his cigarette. “She was pregnant,” he said quietly, emotion leaking out of his voice. “Four and a half months—we didn’t want to tell you till I was back home. Mel swore up and down it was gonna be a boy. She even had the name picked out. Robert Dean. We were gonna find out for sure next week.” 

___________________Bobby sucked in a shocked breath. “Oh Dean… I’m so sorry son,” he whispered, pulling Dean tighter against him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I left dad this morning—told him I quit. I was coming home to my girls for good. Why did this happen Bobby? I told her to get in the panic room. She was recovering from a cold, she was exhausted—” he took a sharp drag, “She was in no shape to fight anyone or anything. Why didn’t she listen?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I wish to hell I knew.” And I wish to hell she’da listened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________The two men sat there quietly, neither knowing what else to say. Dean finished his cigarette and lit up another. He quickly finished that one and pulled out a third, but Bobby stopped him from lighting it. “Chain smokin’s gonna do nothin but make you sick. Look, it’s real late. Why don’t you try to get some rest?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I doubt I’ll be able to sleep,” Dean said, his voice empty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“At least lay down for a while. It’s gonna be a long day. We’ll have a lot of arrangements to make once the sun rises.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________The next morning:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Dean woke to gentle fingers massaging his head. The smell of smoke and tequila filled his nostrils and for the first time since this nightmare began, he knew he was safe. “Chrissy,” he murmured._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“How are you doing, baby boy?” Chris whispered back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I’ve been better. I can’t believe I actually slept. How long was I out?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“A few hours.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Where’s Steve?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“In Alex’s room. He just needed to be with her—see with his own eyes she was okay. Can you tell me what happened?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I was driving home. I wasn’t that far. Mel called me. She said someone broke in. She tried to fight him off. She killed him, but he hurt her pretty bad. When I got there, she was already at the hospital. They couldn’t—” Dean’s voice cut off, the words spilling from his lips choking him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I’m so sorry, Deanie,” Chris said as he pulled the younger man into his arms. His face was calm, but inside him, his emotions were at war. He was saddened by the loss of a good friend, but he was also furious at Melissa for taking such a stupid risk. But mostly, he was heartbroken for Dean. He knew how much his dearest friend was looking forward to coming home for good. Chris also knew how excited Dean was about the new baby. Almost immediately after the Winchesters found out, they called Chris and Steve to tell them the good news. She shouldn’t have stayed behind, Chris thought. She should have gotten in the panic room with Alex. She knew he would have called Bobby. She had no right to take a stupid risk like that! Was she even thinking of her husband or her children?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I should probably get up,” Dean said, breaking the other man from his angry thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“You should take a shower first. You smell like cigarettes and whiskey.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Yeah… You should too. Not a particular scent I really want Alex around.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“I could always join you. Conserve water and all that,” Chris said with a smirk and a leer as Dean stood, clad only in his tight, black boxer-briefs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Oh, really? And just what would your latest girlfriend have to say about that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Can I be in the middle?” Chris smirked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Dean smiled and shook his head as he walked to the bathroom, making sure to grab his duffel bag on the way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Distraction 1, Grief 0, Chris thought to himself with a satisfied smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Dean quickly showered, dressing in dark, faded jeans, a black t-shirt, and his brown/beige checkered button down, leaving it open. He held his cuff for a moment longer than he needed to as he folded the sleeves up… Melissa always said she loved the way it brought out his eyes. It was her favorite shirt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________He sighed and was heading back to the bedroom for his boots when he heard the one voice he never wanted to hear again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“She will be taken back to Philadelphia for the funeral. She will of course be interred with the rest of the family,” the woman informed Bobby, oblivious to the man coming down the stairs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“No, she won’t,” Dean said sternly when he reached the den. The woman turned to him, disgust in her hazel eyes. She was impeccably dressed, as always, in a charcoal gray suit with matching shoes which probably cost more than the profits from the last five KrissKross (his friends' band) shows combined. Her dark brown hair was pulled back tightly into a French Twist. Her face was creaseless and devoid of emotion. “This is a Preston matter,” she said pompously. “It does not concern you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“The fuck it doesn’t!” Dean exploded. “Melissa is my wife! She is a Winchester not a Preston. You,” he said pointing his finger at the woman, “disowned her the minute she told you she was pregnant at 18. The wake will be here, where she lived, where her friends are—where her family is. Then she will be cremated, like she wanted. I will do with her ashes what we discussed. This is all in her will, which is iron clad. You have no say in the matter and trust me lady, you do not want to get in my way. You can come to the wake if you want, but quite frankly? I think you should fuck off.” Dean lowered his voice, a dangerous edge to it, “We both know you never loved Melissa and the only reason you want her moved to Philadelphia is so you can put on a show for all your little society friends. Well, there is no one fancy here that you’ll have to posture for, so you can just go back to Pennsylvania. Melissa wouldn’t want you here and neither do I. Now,” he smiled, pulling the double barrel Remington out from behind the bookcase next to him, raising it to the woman’s face. “Get the hell out of this house and stay the fuck away from my family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Susannah Preston gasped an undignified squawk and hurried from the house, slamming the door behind her. “Damn, that felt good,” Dean sighed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Bet she’s never moved so fast in her life,” Bobby said with a chuckle as he took the gun from Dean. The safety wasn’t even off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Woulda been better if you actually shot her,” Chris commented, walking into the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Oh, please. With the amount of Botox she’s got in her face, it woulda just ricocheted,” Dean admitted. The three men burst out into full, deep belly laughs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Distraction 2, Grief 0._


	3. Chapter 3

The past two days had been very blurry for Dean Winchester. All the arrangements had been made. Steve, being a songwriter, wrote the obituary for his cousin and sent it off to the local papers. The cremation would take place after the wake, presided over by Bobby Singer, who would make sure Melissa’s spirit was at peace. The wake was to take place that afternoon at the Hanson Funeral Home. Carl Hanson happened to be a good friend of Bobby’s and made sure that no one other than himself and Bobby were allowed near Melissa’s body. Susannah Preston did try to bribe him to secretly move her daughter’s remains, but Carl kindly informed her that bribery was illegal and if she tried it again, he’d call the cops. After that, she huffed and flew back to Philadelphia, where she began to plan her own, elaborate memorial service for her lost “beloved child.” Dean really didn’t give a shit what she did. He was just glad she was gone. 

For his own part, once all the arrangements were done, Dean shut down. He was so numb to everyone and everything around him. He spent the majority of his time out in the yard, working on restoring a 1957 Chevy Bel Air. He knew he should have spent more time with his daughter; try to explain to her what happened…but he just didn’t have it in him. He remembered what it was like to be four years old, have your mother tuck you into bed, and then be gone when you woke up. He knew that no matter what he said, Alex would never understand completely…not until she was older anyways. Chris and Bobby had talked to her though. They told her that her mommy loved her very much, but that sometimes bad things happened and the people you love get taken away. They told her that now her mommy was in heaven, but would always be with her. The poor girl cried for nearly three hours. After that though, she put on a brave face. She may have been young, but she could see how sad her daddy was. She watched over him from the porch, made sure he always had something to drink; made sure he came inside to eat with everyone. At night, she slept soundly, wrapped up safe and warm in his arms.

“Deanie,” Chris called softly as he approached the car his friend was currently under. Dean rolled out from underneath it and got up to get a socket wrench off the makeshift table he was using for tools. “Dean, it’s almost time to go. You should head in and get ready.”

The wrench crashed down onto the table, the younger man’s hands balling into fists at his sides. He wanted to scream, to say that he wasn’t ready—that he’d never be ready. Melissa wouldn’t care if he showed up covered in grease or wearing a tux. She was gone now. The love of his life was gone. Nothing was ever going to bring her back. Over the past ten years, he’d seen a lot of corpses burned—done a lot of that burning himself. But how the hell was he supposed to prepare to see his beautiful wife burned to ashes? How the hell was he supposed to go on living, raise their daughter without her? How the hell was he supposed to say goodbye?

“Deanie?” Chris said gently.

Dean cleared his throat, walked past Chris, not even looking up at his friend as he moved to go inside. The older man sighed. Here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean sat in the front row of chairs that had been set up in the funeral parlor. Bobby sat next to him on one side, Alex on his lap. Chris and Steve sat on the other side. He hadn’t moved much in the three hours he’d been there, until Carl Hanson walked up to the front of the room. “Ladies and gentlemen, the family requests that you join them in the hall next door for refreshments and reminiscences once you say your final goodbyes. But first, I believe Mr. Winchester would like to say something.” 

Dean stood up, but was unable to move any further. He felt as if he were in the ocean, trapped beneath the waves as they crashed all around him, forcing him further and further into the depths. Chris stood up and whispered something in his ear before guiding him back to his chair where he was flanked by Steve, Bobby, and Alex who crawled into his lap. Chris moved to the podium at the front of the room and cleared his throat. “Well, as most of you know, I’m not Mr. Winchester. I’ve known Dean for a good chunk of his life, so on his behalf I’d like to say thank you all for coming, as well as for your condolences. Melissa…well what can I say about her? She was an amazing woman. She was smart and funny and so talented. I mean she could take the most mundane thing and make it into something gorgeous. I know a lot of people frowned on her when she decided to get hitched and have a baby. Everyone said she was ruining her chance at becoming the next—I don’t know Van Gogh or something…said that she’d never amass the fame that an artist of her caliber deserved. That never mattered much to Mel though. I was one of the few people fortunate to see the love she had for Dean. I have never seen two people as connected as them. When they looked at each other, it was like there was no one else in the world. And then when Mel got pregnant—it only brought the two of ‘em closer together. Their love was so perfect, so pure, so true…

“Melissa was an extraordinary woman. She had such fire, such passion for every aspect of her life whether it was her painting, or cooking, or hell even changin a diaper. She loved her life and she lived every day to its fullest. She loved being a wife and a mother. She cherished every moment with her husband and her daughter. Sometimes it seems like that was what she was born to be.” He paused and glanced at his friend, who was holding Alex tightly, trying to fight off the tears in his eyes. Chris quickly looked away and cleared his throat. “I may have only known Melissa for a few years, but in that time she taught me that it doesn’t matter what people expect of you. All that matters is that you are true to your heart and you do what makes you happy. She did that. She lived for her family and had more happiness in those four short years than she did in the eighteen before ‘em. And I know that wherever she is now, she will always be watching over her family.”

With that, Chris stepped away from the podium and over to the half open casket. The mortician had done an excellent job with the makeup, covering the bruises that were covering Melissa’s face and neck. Chris leaned over and placed four roses next to her. Pink, symbolizing grace and admiration; yellow, symbolizing friendship; white symbolizing purity and remembrance; finally, there was an orange rose which represented the excitement and passion Melissa had shown for her life. While still leaning down over her he kissed her forehead and whispered, “Don’t worry baby girl. I’ll look after ‘em for you.”

He returned to his seat next to Dean and placed an arm across his shoulders. One by one, the people in the room began to go up to the casket, saying their goodbyes before retiring to the room next door where they could get plastered and talk about their friend. Later, once the room was cleared of everyone, Dean sat silently, unable to move from his chair. Chris and Steve had taken Alex next door after the trio said their goodbyes. Bobby had left the room shortly after them, his eyes watery, knowing that he’d have his chance to say farewell later on when Melissa was cremated. Suddenly, a startled gasp brought the young hunter back to reality and he turned his head to find Charles Preston III standing behind him. “I’m sorry,” the man said. “I didn’t realize anyone was still here.”

“I can go if you want,” Dean replied, but made no move to do so.

“It’s alright. You can stay,” Charles replied moving closer to his son-in-law. He turned the chair in front of Dean around and sat down facing him. “How are you doing?”

“Like you care,” Dean said bitterly, remembering what Mrs. Preston had tried to do.

“Listen, Dean, I know I must seem like the biggest ass in the world to you. I abandoned my pregnant, 18 year old daughter. I never wanted that. My wife did. She cared more about what our unmarried, pregnant, teenage daughter would look like to Philadelphia society than she did about her own child. She has always been a selfish woman. I know she married me for money and status, but she gave me an amazing gift. She gave me Melissa. And whether you believe it or not, I have always loved my child. I may not have been able to see her or my granddaughter, but Melissa was always sending me pictures and letters. I even received a few short videos. I treasured each and every one and I always tried to write her back. Susannah never knew. Speaking of—I hear she tried to take over things here—and that you pulled a shotgun on her.”

“She had no right to come here barking orders and expecting everyone to obey. She disowned Mel. No way in hell was I letting her anywhere near my wife.”

Charles couldn’t help but chuckle. “Not many would have had the balls to stand up to Susannah Preston. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks,” Dean said sincerely, the corners of his lips tugging up.

“There are a few things I need to tell you though. The day Alexandria was born I set up a trust fund for her. She will be able to access it when she turns 18. I also set up an account for Melissa. When last I checked, there was five million. My accountant is in the process of changing you to the account holder. I will send you the information when it’s done. If you ever need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“Why are you doing all this? I thought you hated me.”

“My daughter loved you very much and you loved her. I could always see it in your eyes. You made her so happy. For that, I could never hate you.”

“Mr. Preston—”

“Please, call me Charles. I am your father-in-law after all.”

“Charles…thank you for this; for taking care of my family. I promise to keep you informed of Alex’s life and I will never keep her from you. Sounds like Mel wanted you to be a part of her life, so I won’t deny you.”

“Thank you Dean,” the man said, tears stinging his eyes as he pulled his son-in-law into a hug. After a minute, he let the younger man go and cleared his throat. “Well—will you be joining us next door?”

“I’ll be there soon. If you want to talk to Alex just tell Chris, the short cowboy with the long hair, that I said it’s alright.”

“Thank you,” Charles said again as he stood. He made his way over to the casket where he put his hands over Melissa’s. “You’ve got a good man there princess. He’ll be cared for. Don’t worry. I love you very much Melissa Rose Preston Winchester. You will never be far from my thoughts. Rest in peace baby,” he whispered as he leaned down, kissing his daughter’s forehead. Tears silently tracked down his face as he exited the room, leaving Dean alone with his wife once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The section in Italics is, of course, a flashback.
> 
> Bold italic is a newspaper clipping.

Chris and Steve were in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes from dinner. Dean and his daughter were laying down in the bedroom upstairs. Bobby was in his den reading, a half empty bottle of scotch beside him on the desk. It had been a trying and horrible day for this little, make-shift family.

_Dean stood over the coffin, looking at his wife. The curls of her auburn hair gently framing her face, her once tanned skin pale. She was lying there so peaceful looking in her lavender blouse and dark blue jeans. The couple had always said that it really didn’t matter what outfit they had on for their funeral since they were going to be cremated anyway. Besides, the coffin was only half open so she was only visible from her waist up. The blouse was long enough so that the jeans were not visible, but Dean knew they were there. As he stood there, his eyes raking longingly over her body, an anger began to swell within him. “I just don’t understand,” he said softly. “I told you to get in the panic room. You were tired, you were sick…why the hell didn’t you listen to me? You knew I would have called Bobby. You obviously called the cops if they got there just after him. Why the hell weren’t you in that room? What the fuck was going through your head? You were supposed to protect our children. BOTH of them! You shouldn’t have tried to fight. You were too weak! You told me so when we talked! You couldn’t even keep up with Alex, how the hell did you expect to fend off an intruder?” The hunter did not notice the fact that he was now screaming, his face red, his body shaking with uncontrolled anger. “How could you do this to us!?” He shouted as he lifted a chair and threw it across the room. “How could you leave us like this? How could you!?!”_

_Dean continued to shout at the body, asking how she could leave him, how she could risk their baby as he threw and smashed the chairs in the room. He was so consumed with his rage he didn’t even notice Bobby enter the room. The old hunter rushed over to the boy and quickly pulled him into his arms. Dean struggled for a moment before the fight vanished and he slumped into the arms of the hunter. The two fell to the floor, each holding the other tightly as Bobby gently rocked the boy he had known his whole life. “Why did she do this Bobby?” Dean asked, his voice hoarse. “I can’t…it hurts so much. It hurts so much,” he whispered as sobs wracked his body. The old man just held him tighter. “I know son. I know. We’ll get through this. I promise.”_

_When the young hunter had no tears left to cry, he felt empty and exhausted. He could no longer feel his body, nor hear the others entering the room. Chris and Steve stood in the doorway, Alex in between them. She reluctantly released their hands and walked over to her father. “It’s my fault daddy,” she whispered. “Mommy pulled me out of bed and we hurried to the hidden room. She—the door was still open when the bad man came into the room. She picked up a knife and ran out. She said—she said she loved me and to tell you she was sorry but she had to save me. Then the door closed. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” Tears fell quickly from her young eyes. This confession pulled Dean from his stupor and he opened his arms and pulled her onto his lap, holding her tight. “Oh baby. I want you to listen to me Alexandria Lily. What happened was not your fault.”_

_“But—”_

_“No. I don’t blame you baby. And you shouldn’t blame yourself. She wouldn’t want that. She saved you. I will always be grateful for that. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you both. I love you so much baby girl.”_

_“I love—you—too dad—dy,” she hiccupped. Her father pulled a hankerchief from his pocket and gently wiped off her face. He stood up, with Bobby’s help, Alex held tightly in his arms. “I think it’s time to go,” The old hunter suggested softly. Dean nodded and walked swiftly from the room, not looking back once._

_When they got back to Bobby’s house, the father and daughter retreated to the bedroom, where they layed together, recovering from their grief and assuring themselves the other was still there. They only moved when it was time for dinner. Alex went downstairs to eat with her uncles and grandfather, but once she was done, returned to her father who had not moved._

The peace of the night was shattered by the loud banging of the door. Bobby put down his book and opened the door. “What the hell is this Singer?” John Winchester demanded, shoving a newspaper at the hunter as he barged into the house. John was so enraged he didn’t even notice the two men standing in the kitchen, or when one of them slunk away up the back stairs.

“What are you on about?” Bobby asked, looking down at the crumpled paper. _**On Wednesday, September 8, 2001, convicted serial killer Michael Saunders escaped. Saunders was being transferred to a federal, maximum security prison after his sentencing hearing. The van transporting him was sideswiped by a garbage truck, causing it to flip several times before finally landing upside down in a ditch. The guards were wounded badly, while Saunders, having been protected by the seats, avoided serious injury. He easily overpowered the barely conscious guards, stealing their keys to free himself from his shackles. He quickly fled the scene and disappeared. The police were out in force as soon as possible to track the prisoner, but sadly, he was able to claim one final victim before meeting his end in a small, South Dakota town.**_

 _ **Late Wednesday night, he broke into the home of local artist Melissa Winchester. The woman bravely fought back, managing to kill Saunders, but not before she was gravely injured. She was rushed to the hospital where she died soon after. Mrs. Winchester was a gifted artist, who quickly rose through the ranks of the art world in the four short years she was on the scene. She was extremely popular all across the country and was scheduled to have her first European show early next year. This loss is a great tragedy for the art world, as it is for her family. Not only has she left behind magnificent works of art that will be cherished for years to come, but her husband Dean and their four year old daughter as well.**_ …

‘Well shit,’ the old hunter thought to himself. 

“Tell me that doesn’t say what I think it does,” John demanded angrily. “Tell me my son didn’t get married behind my back. Tell me he doesn’t have a kid.”

“I’m afraid he can’t do that dad. It’s all true,” Dean said as he walked into the room.

“How the hell could you have been so careless? Ya know if you could just keep it in your pants none of this would have happened! So who’s the mother? Some waitress you fucked in a diner’s bathroom or was it some slut in an alley behind a bar? How do you know this whore’s kid is even yours?!”

Before anyone could react, Chris had John pinned against the wall, and arm pressing hard across his throat. Chris was a good six inches and hundred pounds smaller then the hunter, but John could not break free of the long haired man’s grip. “Don’t you DARE talk about Melissa like that! And how dare you talk about your son like that you bastard!”

“Who the fuck are you?” John demanded, sneering at the man holding him.

“I’m the big brother Dean never had. And if I hear you insulting him, his wife, or his daughter again, make no mistake, I will kill you!”

The hunter was too shocked to respond, seeing the cold determination and hatred in Chris’ eyes. Chris only released John when he heard Bobby clear his throat. Bobby motioned his eyes to the stairs, letting Chris know where Dean vanished to. “Dean just lost his wife. Maybe you can remember how that felt; ya know back when you had a heart,” Chris said before he took off after his friend.

Bobby pulled out a bottle of whiskey and sat down heavily at the kitchen table. “We need to talk Johnny. And if you say one word against Dean’s family I’ll shoot you myself.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italics are flashbacks

_There were balloons and streamers everywhere. Little boys and girls ran around the sunny backyard, playing games like “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” or “Tag.” Sitting on the lone swing in the corner of the yard was one child not enthralled by entertainment. He watched from behind the shadow of the tree as everyone he knew had fun._

_Everyone but him._

_He had become a timid boy these past few years. In school, it was only a problem during recess and gym, where he tended to shy away from everyone else. He would often lose himself in the lonely recesses of his mind. He may have looked like an outcast, but at least no one’s taunting words could hurt him there._

_He was torn from his thoughts when someone cleared their throat. He looked up to see a teenager standing in front of him. He immediately took stock of the teen, who was about a foot shorter than his father, had blue eyes, with brown hair that flowed down and rested on his shoulders. A white cowboy hat adorned his head in place of the pointed party hat, and matched his white tee, blue jeans, and black cowboy boots. The teen was also thin and well muscled. “Why are you sitting alone over here?” The teen asked. When the boy did not respond, he asked, “What, ya don’t talk?”_

_“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers,” the boy muttered._

_A smile lit up the teen’s face and he replied, “That’s true. Whoever told you that is very smart. My name is Christopher, but everyone calls me Chris. Kelly, the birthday girl, is my little sister. See? Now I’m not a stranger anymore.”_

_“I’m Dean. I have a little brother named Sammy. He’s not here though. He’s too small to come.”_

_“It’s very nice to meet you Dean. So why are ya sittin over here? You don’t want to play with the other kids?”_

_“I only play with Sammy. I didn’t really want to come. No offense.”_

_Chris was definitely taken aback by those words. He didn’t know any other 6 year old that knew what they meant. This boy before him was definitely an interesting one. “None taken. If you didn’t want to come, why are you here?”_

_“My Uncle Bobby made me. He said I need to make friends with kids my own age.”_

_“That’s good advice ya know. Friends are important to have. So…you live with your uncle?”_

_“Only for the past year. My dad had to go away. He’s in training for his new job. When he’s done, he’s supposed to come back for me and Sammy. I like it at Uncle Bobby’s though. He has a nice house with a big yard and he’s got lots of cars. He’s teaching me all about them.”  
_

_“Would he happen to be Bobby Singer?” Dean’s eyes widened, but he nodded his head yes. “He’s a cool guy. I worked for him for a few summers. Built myself a 64 Camaro a while back for my sixteenth birthday.”_

_“Cool! Those are nice, but I like Impalas better. My daddy has a 67 Impala. It’s real pretty. She’s gonna be mine when I’m old enough. I can’t wait. She’s the bestest car ever,” Dean exclaimed, his face excited, his smile wide and bright._

“Hey,” Chris called softly as he entered the room. Dean was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, looking out the window. “Are you okay?”

“I was just thinking about the first time we met.”

“You were such a loner. I just wanted give you a hug and adopt you.”

“You were so nice to me. You didn’t treat me like a kid… You’ve always looked after me though. Even after you went to college, you were always trying to look out for me…sending me money if we needed it, listening when I needed to vent… Even now, you were in the middle of your tour and you just dropped everything to come help me. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had Chris. I don’t think I’d be able to do this without you. I especially wouldn’t have survived what just happened with my dad if it wasn’t for you.”

“He has no right to talk to you or about you like that. You’re not a slut. You’re a kind, generous man who loved one woman more than anything else in this world and you are an amazing father.” Chris looked around the room and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Where the hell is Alex?”

“Steve snuck up here when Dad showed up. He took her out for ice cream. They’ll be a while yet. I can’t wait for this day to be over,” Dean sighed as he stood. Chris walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Dean from behind, resting his chin on the younger man’s shoulder. “It will get better Deanie. Bobby’ll set your old man straight. Steve and me already cancelled the rest of the tour. We’ll be here for as long as you need us. We’re a family baby boy and we’ll get through this as a family.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

John and Bobby sat at the kitchen table, a bottle of whiskey between them. “So…I’m officially the biggest asshole on the face of the earth,” John admitted as he took a swig of the dark liquid.

“You can say that again,” the older hunter replied, glaring harshly at Winchester.

“I’ll apologize later. Right now I’d like to know what the hell is going on Bobby.”

“Dean’s eighteenth birthday, he went to a party where he met Melissa. You were off tracking a werewolf or shifter or something. Anyway, they started dating, spent most of their time together. They were in love. Around two or three months in, Elie found out she was pregnant.”

“Obviously they kept it right?” John asked, his voice tired.

“Yeah, they did. At the time, that was the easiest of the decisions they had to make.”

“Why didn’t he come to me?” John asked his face and tone reflecting genuine confusion. Bobby just gaped at him like he was the biggest idiot in the universe. “Cause screamin at him, callin him and his wife whores and sluts and sayin his kid ain’t his was what? You bein supportive?”

John opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. Really, what could he possibly say? He acted like an ass. He could only imagine how much worse his reaction would have been if Dean had told him when he was eighteen. He hated to admit it, but Bobby had a point. So naturally, instead of admitting it, he steered the conversation down a different road. “Who else knows about this? When did they get married? Dean doesn’t even wear a wedding ring.”

“One question at a time there Johnny. Out of the people you’re thinking of, I’m the only one who knows. Dean never told his brother. They got married about a month after they found out about the baby. And he does have a wedding ring. He just wears it on his right hand when he’s with you.”

“How the hell did he keep it secret this long? And why didn’t he stay with his wife?”

“I don’t think it’s that hard to hide things from you. And you’re the reason he stayed. He knew you could never take care of Sam on your own. Hell, Dean’s been working since he was fourteen so they’d have money when you were gone. Chris used to send money too. He really is Dean’s big brother,” Bobby said with a fond grin. After a few moments, he came back to the conversation. “John, ever since your wife died, you’ve been obsessed with the hunt. He didn’t trust you to look after Sam. So he came to me. Said he discussed everything with Elie. She was going to move into a house near me so I could be there for her when Dean wasn’t. She didn’t mind uprooting her life and moving out here. Her parents, well more like her mother, disowned her when she got pregnant. She was an amazing young woman.

“Dean came back to see her and the baby as often as he could. He was always sending things for Alex. I’ve never seen a man more in love with their child.”

“That’s why he left,” John whispered to himself.

“What was that?” Bobby asked.

“The other morning, Dean told me he was done hunting. I guess he was just waiting for Sam to go off to college before he considered himself free.”

“He couldn’t wait to come home for good. That was the night Ellie… Winchester, look…I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I love your boy like he was my own and I love his daughter. Melissa meant a lot to me too. This family is in a lot of pain. Dean will probably never get over losing them, but we’re gonna try to help him move forward. If you’re not with us, then you can get the hell out now.”

“Bobby, I know I haven’t always been the best father, but I do love my son. I want to help him…if I can.”

“Good. You can sleep on the couch then. The spare rooms are full at the moment. And you can start by apologizing.”

“That’s a good idea. I just have one more question first. You said Dean won’t get over losing them. Was there someone else there? The paper only said it was his wife.”

“The paper didn’t know all the facts. Melissa was nearly 5 months pregnant. In one night Dean lost his wife and his son.”


	6. Chapter 6

John returned to a darkened house, which was not surprising. It was 3 am after all. He’d driven half way to Salt Lake City before turning around and driving back. It had taken him all that time to figure out what he was going to say to Dean.

He slowly trudged up the stairs to his son’s room, thankful for the pale strip of light underneath the door, signifying that his son was awake. He quietly pushed open the door, surprised to see two others standing with his son. “Dean?” he called softly. The three men turned and Chris immediately glared at him. “What the hell do you want?” the cowboy demanded in an angry whisper as Steve moved to stand protectively in front of his niece, asleep on the bed. 

John held up his hands in surrender. “I don’t want to fight. I just want to talk to my boy. I won’t upset him.”

“It’s okay guys,” Dean said wearily, his voice low and rough. “Stay here. I’ll be fine.” Chris turned to look at him and the two had a silent conversation with their eyes. 'Just like he used to do with his brother' John thought to himself. After a few minutes, Chris sighed and sat down heavily in a chair. Dean nodded at him and walked out of the room, trusting his father to follow. The two traveled in silence as Dean led his old man downstairs, out the back door, and into the heart of the junkyard. John assumed they were just moving far enough away from the house that no one would hear them, until he saw it. Standing in the middle of all the car carnage was a black bench swing, made from what looked like a bench seat of a car.

The younger Winchester sat down on the swing, staring out into the night as he waited for his companion to follow suit. “I made this when I was sixteen,” Dean said quietly. “Bobby had an old 73 Bel Air station wagon. The frame was an absolute nightmare. Front and back were smashed all to hell. Front seat managed to survive without a scratch so I pulled it out, made this swing out of it.”

“It’s beautiful son. I’m surprised it’s survived this well all these years.”

“We cover it with a tarp whenever it rains or snows. Enough small talk okay?” he said as he turned to face his father. “It’s been one of the longest days of my life. Just say whatever it is you wanted to say alright?”

“Dean,” John said as he turned to better face his boy. “I wanted to tell you—I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I jumped to all the wrong conclusions and I insulted you and your family. For that I’m truly sorry. I guess I never really knew you…”

“No, you didn’t. You never cared to know either. You just needed me to be your soldier and your nanny. All my life I took care of Sam, I took care of you…I did everything you ever asked me to and I never complained. Not once. I gave up months with my girls to look after my brother because I knew you couldn’t be bothered. But I loved my wife. I loved her more than anything in this world. And if I was home…if I was at home with her she’d still be alive. It’s all my fault. I wasn’t there. I couldn’t protect her,” he whispered as tears once again filled his eyes. Tears, he thought, had all but dried up earlier that day. John slid closer and wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders.

“Dean, I want you to listen to me. Right now I’m not your drill sergeant, I’m not your father—I’m just a man who’s been through something similar. When I lost Mary, I blamed myself for months. I had trouble sleeping that night and went downstairs so I wouldn’t disturb her. I fell asleep in front of the TV. I didn’t hear her when she woke up. I didn’t hear her until she screamed. I was there, just a few dozen feet away and I couldn’t save her.

“It took me a long time to come to terms with that. It wasn’t until I met Missouri Moseley, a psychic in Lawrence, that I realized that what happened wasn’t my fault. She explained to me that no matter what, there was nothing I could have done that night. If I had woken up sooner or not gone downstairs…if I had done anything differently I would have been dead as well. She saw all the possible futures of that night and in every single one, there was no way to save my Mary. It was her time to go.

“Son, my point is that even if you were there, there’s no guarantee that you could have stopped what happened. I know how enormous the guilt you’re feeling is, but what happened to your wife…it wasn’t your fault son. Yes, it was a horrific tragedy and you lost the love of your life and you lost your unborn child, but your wife sacrificed herself so that your daughter would live. She gave her life to protect that little girl. And for that you should be proud of her. So mourn the loss, but do not be like me. Don’t let it rule your life. I know how hard it is to live without the woman you love, but you will always have a part of her with you. She will always be in your heart and in your little girl. That’s something I never realized. I let Mary’s death consume me without ever realizing that she was with me every day inside you and your brother. Remember that and you’ll get through this. Me, Bobby, your two friends inside—we’ll all be here for you Dean. I’ll be here for you. I just wish it didn’t have to be for this. I’d give anything to spare you this pain. I never wanted this for you boys. I wanted you to find someone to love and grow old with them. I never wanted you to experience this kind of loss. I’m so sorry son.”

The two men sat in silence, staring out into the night. They continued to sit like that, Dean with his head on his father’s shoulder and John with his arm around his boy’s shoulders, until the first rays of dawn began to peek through the clouds. A new day was dawning for the two Winchester men. They had both endured horrible tragedies—they had both lost their wives too quickly, but Dean had something John didn’t. He had two very close friends, a surrogate father in Bobby, and his father all standing beside him. And he was sure, the moment he laid his eyes on his daughter’s face, he would get through this—for her.

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well…I had no intention of writing any of that, but it all just came pouring out and that seemed like the perfect place to end it. This totally didn’t turn out to be what I expected, but sometimes stories just have a way of doing that to you.


End file.
